I know, I DO think too much these days. And I know that my entries ARE sad ones.
But hell, I'm currently losing something that is comparable to a very long relationship.
And OBVIOUSLY it's a crime that I am sad about losing something that meant the WORLD for me for 7 years. Obviously I am not ALLOWED to be sad to lose something that meant EVERYTHING to me for the last 7 years.
I don't know what I'm supposed to finde more sad: The fact that it's over or the fact that the people who should understand me practically tell me to smile, cheer up, and not to think about it.
I TRY to be positive. For everyone else and for myself. But - surprise - sometimes you just CANNOT control your feelings. And it DOES make me feel like crying when my trainer deplores that I dance only so little this year when I know that it's the last time EVER, at least in this school, and perhaps really EVER and there IS no next year to dance more again.
And it IS difficult for me to smile and be cheerful when I have to say goodbye to something that was so dear to me, no matter how often I complained about it.
And it DOES bother me that I am not allowed to think about this. Or to be sad about this. And it DOES bother me that this inability to understand comes from people who are SO close to me and who SHOULD understand.